I know you expect me to be front and center of major news developments and to give you an exclusive account found nowhere else but on these pages. Alas, sometimes despite my best efforts I find myself on the outside looking in.
First, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth informed a bunch of folks back in March that he had approved the bombing of Houthis in Yemen. Included on the call was Jeffery Goldberg, editor-in-chief of The Atlantic magazine, a left-leaning publication that endorsed Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden for president and called for Donald Trump’s impeachment. Yet, he was included on the call and not me. Go figure.
It may have been that Mr. Hegseth assumed I was too busy dealing with the pressure-packed environment that comes with being a modest-but-much-beloved columnist and he didn’t want to bother me. On the other hand, he probably figured I didn’t know a Houthi from a hoot owl and couldn’t find Yemen with a flashlight.
All I know about Yemen is that it is poorer than Job’s turkey, they fight among themselves worse than Republicans, are among the worst of all the countries in the world for violence against women and consider camel jumping as one of their favorite sports. Maybe Sec. Hegseth knew he had my vote for bombing a bunch of Neanderthals that abuse women and get their jollies from jumping over a camel. I just hope the camels came out okay. None of this was their fault.
Of course, there are those among you who will say I was not invited to sit in on the call because I am always poking fun at humor-impaired RITNOs (Republicans in Trump’s Name Only.) And I’ll bet you are hoping that the masked marvels at ICE will discovery that my ancestor Richard the Immigrant sneaked onto our shores in 1642 without a visa. Then they can turn their attention away from arresting farmworkers and dishwashers and mayoral candidates and go after bigger fish: Modest-but-much-beloved columnists. You are just waiting to see me in baggy white shorts and skinny legs parked in a Venezuelan hoosegow.
Well, I hate to disappoint you but it seems that the liberal weenies don’t have me on their A-list, either. I’ve just read an article in the New York Times (Yes, I do scan the publication, but I don’t inhale) about a “political royal wedding that brought together the worlds of big-money politics and Clinton-era insiders.” That might be one reason I didn’t make the cut to attend the political royal wedding since I am neither of the above. Either that, or my invitation got lost in the mail.
The political royal wedding involved Alex Soros, the son of ultraliberal billionaire George Soros, who RITNOs blame for everything from secretly controlling the global economy to promoting a one-world government to the heartbreak of psoriasis and Huma Abedin, who was a longtime personal aide to Hillary Clinton.
Among those in attendance were former President Bill Clinton and Mrs. Clinton; The Obamas; former Vice President Kamala Harris and her husband, Doug Emhoff; New York Senator Chuck Schumer and Representative Hakeem Jeffries; former Speaker Nancy Pelosi, as well as Anna Wintour, the editor of the fashion magazine Vogue. Note that the editor-in-chief of The Atlantic magazine didn’t get invited, even after having endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. He’ll just have to be satisfied with knowing something the Houthis didn’t know until it was too late because they were busy camel jumping.
Also in attendance was the prime minister of the Balkan country of Albania. Had he asked me, I would have suggested he stay back in Albania, in case Donald Trump decides to annex the country and Cong. Buddy Carter introduces a bill in Congress to change the name of the country to Eastern Albany.
If there is any consolation for the snub, it had to be the dinner that followed: Truffle agnolotti, chilled English pea soup, an American Wagyu bavette and grilled prawns. I don’t know what a truffle agnolotti is but I do know what chilled English pea soup is. No thank you. I’m a Big Mac and fries guy.
Despite these two events to which I was not invited, you may be assured that I am still on the case and vigilant as ever. Should Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth originate a group chat about bombing Eastern Albany and include George Soros while eating a truffle agnolotti and jumping camels, I promise you will be the first to know.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139
Leave a Reply