Having just concluded an extraordinarily successful term as chairman of the Governor’s Special Committee to Design a State Flag That Looks Like a Pair of Cheap Golf Slacks, I figured I had earned the right to a little peace and quiet. Alas, it was not to be. I have received an urgent request from Mars, which is where Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney’s head is most of the time, … [Read more...] about Oct. 22, 2001: Is there no rest for the weary?
Columns
Oct. 15, 2001: You know what this country needs right now?
We need some good old-fashioned awards. I don’t know about you, but for weeks I had eagerly anticipated the Emmy telecasts. I wanted to see who would win the coveted Most Commercials without Any Programming award (the Weather Channel was a lock for that one), and the Longest Running and Least Intelligent Program on Television. (ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox all had strong contenders.) … [Read more...] about Oct. 15, 2001: You know what this country needs right now?
Oct. 8, 2001: Much to the relief of the United States government…
I have decided not to join forces with CNN and the Washington Post telling President Bush how to run his war. He seems to be doing fine without my help, and I suspect he could make it without the nudniks at CNN and the Washington Post, although you would never get them to believe that. So what if CNN’s Christiane Whatshername is on a first-name basis with the Afghanistan … [Read more...] about Oct. 8, 2001: Much to the relief of the United States government…
Oct. 1, 2001: They’re baaaaaack!
The naysayers are beginning to find their voice again. It was only a matter of time. After enduring what must have been an agonizing several weeks of flag waving, patriotism and general good feeling in this country, the anti-American crowd is desperate to make us understand that a bunch of nut cases flying airplanes into tall buildings and killing innocent people is somehow … [Read more...] about Oct. 1, 2001: They’re baaaaaack!
Sep. 24, 2001: President Bush has urged us all to try and get our lives back to normal after our national nightmare.
I couldn’t agree more. Being the patriotic American that I am, I decided to do my part so I promptly lost my briefcase. I also forgot to turn off the lights when I left the room – any room. I found myself in the den looking for something but I couldn’t remember what I was looking for. I swung at a golf ball that I intended to hit 200 yards and rolled it about six feet. I … [Read more...] about Sep. 24, 2001: President Bush has urged us all to try and get our lives back to normal after our national nightmare.