Welcome to Silly Season, when our intrepid public servants as well as those who would wish to be dominate our TVs with their ads, clutter our street corners with their yard signs, show up to press the flesh while we are trying to eat breakfast at our favorite diner, flood our mailboxes with flyers and go online to hit us up for dough.
As your modest-yet-much-beloved servant, I am duty bound to cut through all the noise for you by analyzing all the campaign promises being made by all the candidates for all the offices in both parties. Have pen and paper ready.
Without exception, all of them will: Lower our taxes. Reduce crime. Shrink the size of government. Create jobs. Stand up to powerful special interests groups. Fight bureaucracy. Secure our borders. Take care of our veterans. Improve education. Fix Medicare. Write it down.
As they seek our vote, in no way will they stoop to attack ads against their opponents during Silly Season unless forced to do so by their opponents who are using attacks ads against them. So, golly, they have no choice.
I ran all of this by Junior E. Lee, general manager of the Yarbrough Worldwide Media and Pest Control Company, located in Greater Garfield, Georgia, to get his opinion
Junior is not only one of the most respect media analysts in the business, he is also a pest control professional, something that neither the snoots at Fox News nor the New York Times can claim. If you don’t believe me, call Sean Hannity at Fox or David Brooks at the Times and ask them how to treat Rhipicephalus sanguineus. (Hint: That’s a dog tick and topical options containing permethrin seem to be effective.) Now, you see why Junior E. Lee is in a league of his own.
Politics is a blood sport and can get mean but I don’t think I’ve seen one quite as mean as the race between businessman Rick Jackson and Lt. Gov. Burt Jones vying for the Republican nomination for governor. It has gone way beyond up-close-and-personal. Junior says the two remind him of the time a couple of bulls got loose over at Arveen Ridley’s place and tore up the pasture butting each other to see which one would be dominant. They were trying to impress all the cows who were watching. I assume Jackson and Jones are trying to impress us. I think there is a better way to do it.
Nothing quite says Silly Season quite like an ad from State Sen. Greg Dolezal, R-Cumming, who is one of a hoard running for the Republican nomination for lieutenant governor replacing Jones. In the ad, Dolezal is standing near a hijab-wearing cutout strapped with explosives and warns they “steal our elections, hate our way of life and want Sharia law, not law and order” and asks, “You want jihad against America?” He then urges us to “blow up the system because you save America by saving Georgia.” I am going out on a limb here but I don’t think that’s a job for the lieutenant governor of Georgia. That role belongs to the federal government, senator. And tell your consultants not to insult our intelligence.
Perhaps the corniest ad I have seen to date this Silly Season comes from another state senator running for lieutenant governor. Sen. Steve Gooch, R-Dawsonville, says he is not just going to cut taxes. He is going to throw them in the ol’ woodchipper whereby he proceeds to toss in a bunch of logs. He also asks if you can “chip in” for his campaign. Groan.
Gooch decries “weak-kneed bureaucrats” who are responsible for spending our tax dollars. Let me remind those of you who have followed the efforts to prevent mining our Okefenokee for toothpaste whitener that Gooch said legislative action wasn’t necessary. “Those are decisions that shouldn’t be made by political entities. We have to let our regulatory agencies do their jobs.” Does anyone see the irony here? May his woodchipper sink in the black waters of the Okefenokee and get eaten by an alligator.
The good news is that this Silly Season will be over in November. The bad news is there is another just around the corner in 2028. Junior E. Lee reminded me and told me to tell you that it goes with democracy and as irritating as it can be, it beats having to deal with barn flies. I guess he is right but sometimes I wonder.
You can reach Dick Yarbrough at dick@dickyarbrough.com or at P.O. Box 725373, Atlanta, Georgia 31139
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